Saturday Silence

The kiddos stayed at my mom's last night, and j had to work this morning, so I have a quiet house! Not for too long though, we're headed to the lake so I'm gonna have to get my ass in gear and get moving.

I did another Friday yoga class last night, then spent the rest of the evening watching gymnastics trials. Damn those kids are incredible. I had forgotten how nice it can be to just veg in front of the tv watching Olympic stuff. I remember watching for hours as a kid - and barely getting my homework done for the two weeks the games were on. It was kinda nice to just sit and be entertained, although the commercials are annoying as all get out. Guess I need to use the dvr, huh.

At any rate, it's Saturday, and I'm quite happy it's here. Time to get moving and head towards the lake. Helllooooo sunscreen!

Things Happen

I used to believe in the adage that states unequivocably "things happen for a reason." I'm a bit past that now - I don't think there are reasons other than what we find or choose to make of things.

But sometimes it would be nice to believe that there is some "sign" that you are on the right road, that you are making the right decisions. That at some point there will be a finish line that tells you that whatever tough decision you made was the "right" decision.

Of course, many decisions don't really have a 'right' or 'wrong' either. You make your decisions, and then you make the best of them - and if you make the best of them, you've made a 'right' decision.  If you second guess and regret what you've done and wish you'd done things differently, you've made a 'wrong' decision.  I read a quote yesterday that resonated deeply with me.

"I have always found that each step we take in life is to be regretted--
if we once begin to wonder how many other steps might have been possible."

John Oliver Hobbes

You make your decision, and you move forward and don't look back - you don't regret - because as soon as you do, you lose all the energy and thought that went into the decision in the first place. And second guessing yourself takes away from where you are NOW, and where you are trying to be. You can't change what is in the past. The best you can do is move forward and trust yourself that you are doing the right thing, and learn from the decisions that you make.

I know these things, I've lived them and I believe them. Sometimes it doesn't make decision making any easier.

Insomnia

Insomnia sucks. Just sayin'.

Dwelling versus Thinking

I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday, explaining how I'd spent time recently dwelling on something. That felt a little out of character for me, because I associate a negative connotation with that word. She responded that she thought I was a thinker, and maybe it wasn't so out of character for me after all...

This is why I love my friends. They challenge me and make me think.

So I looked up the definition of dwell this morning, and once I got past the whole "housing and structures" thing, one definition was "to fasten ones attention on". Huh, she might be right. Of course, the synonym given was "brood," and that also seems a bit dark.

I do like to think. It is part of my nature. Hell, I get paid, in part, to think - what could be better? But I do not like to dwell in the negative. I've been in the negative more than I like lately, and it becomes a habit after a while. Not a good one. It's far too heavy and requires too much energy. I miss feeling lighthearted and "light" in general. Maybe that's the price of being an adult? I'm not sure I buy that - I don't think getting older means being "heavier" in the metaphysical sense. More responsibilities can be a pain in the ass, but as long as you can cover them...what's wrong with a little levity? How do you channel that, though? That might bear some thinking...

Ahhhh, blogging before 6:30. You never know what you're gonna get...

Squirrel Day!

Today is Alyssa - aka Squirrel's - birthday. She turns 6 and is all sorts of pumped for the day. We had her party a few weeks ago, but today is The Day. My mom's house is already decorated, and she's getting exactly what she wants for dinner - Little Ceasars pizza, breadsticks, and artichokes. Yes. Artichokes. Her current favorite food - go figure.

She is very much still the baby in a lot of ways, but she's very much a little girl in many others. She is completely different from her brother and reminds me of myself a lot, which may or may not be a good thing. I think she may be my reader one of these days if she finds a few books she likes, and I have no doubt she's going to be one challenging teenager. But for now I'll soak up the little girl for a little longer. She won't be around that much longer. Where the hell does time go?

Routines

I've been trying to get up earlier this past month or so. Not crazy early - like 5am or what have you - but early enough to get the kiddos' lunches done and then have time to have coffee on the deck before the craziness of the day hits.

Yes, this means I'm going to bed well before 11 some nights. In the immortal
words of Paul Simon, 'getting old...'

But it does make the mornings go more smoothly, and the kiddos and I both less stressed as we get out the door. Plus I have a few minutes to reflect on what has happened overnight, and the upcoming day. How I want it to go, what I need to focus on, what I need to make sure I have prepared. And, I even have time to throw something in the oven for the munchkins' breakfast. Pigs in blankets have been a big hit this summer.

Of course, I'm sure part of this routine is the fact that the sun is up so early, which makes it a helluva lot easier to get up. Maybe one of these days I'll go out and exercise when I'm up this early. Maybe. But maybe not. I likes my coffee and quiet mornings, I'm not sure I want to spoil that with a bunch of sweat.

Searching

I've gone to two yoga classes in the last few weeks. The first one was taught by a younger lady who had just gotten certified to teach. Her workout was very intense and left me sore for days - which is a good thing in my world.

The class I took this past Friday was taught by an older lady who was a bit more ummmm spiritual than the younger one. This wasn't a bad thing in the least. You guys know I'm not religious at all, but I feel like the spiritual side could use some attention. I've always sort of felt like exercise was my religion anyway, so maybe a teacher who is a little more on the "earthy" side isn't a bad thing.

She said one thing that really stuck with me and I keep trying to remind myself of it. She suggested that, as we eased into the hourlong session, we remembered to look for what it was we were there for. It's one thing to wish for something - wish things were easier, wish for inner peace, wish to be in better shape, whatever. But it's entirely another to go looking and searching for it.

I guess it just goes along with being mindful of what you are doing at any given time. Go into something with a defined goal and keep working towards it; don't get sidetracked or forget why you are there. You are a lot more likely to find what you are looking for if you actually look.

With that, I'm gonna get off my loopy soapbox and go find some coffee. Maybe I shouldn't blog this early in the morning next time.

Crystal Vista Hiking Trail

We ended up hiking the Crystal Vista trail yesterday. The trailhead was about half an hour's drive from the condo, down some serious backwoods roads and out in the middle of nowhere. The trailhead itself was about two miles down a gravel road. As expected, we saw not another soul the entire three hours we were out there. This is probably a good thing, as my kids are LOUD. Pretty sure I'd never have to worry about bears as long as I have them along...

The hike up ended up being about .7 miles straight up a rocky, gravelly four wheeler road. It was still shady and a little cool when we went up, so the complaining index was minimal - despite the boy having done something to his foot yesterday morning and it giving him real trouble on the way back down. Something about sliding into pillows and carpet while playing baseball in the bedroom, I dunno.

At any rate, the hike up was very pretty. Although the woods never opened up enough to give awesome vistas or anything, the glimpses of the lake and surrounding hills were beautiful. We also found the abandoned crystal quarry and dug around there for a bit. There was a great deal of quartz on the ground, a lot of it very clear. We had the obligatory snackage while up there, hung out for a bit and trekked back down. All in all, about 2.5 miles for the day, and considering the rough terrain, I think we all wore ourselves out.

We finished the afternoon at the pool, then hit a South American restaurant in Hot Springs for dinner. Back to the Future and two bowls of popcorn rounded out the evening nicely - I'm really not wanting to see Monday already approaching. Time to start planning next weekend, right?

One of the best things...

One great advantage of having older kiddos is the ability to decide, at 7:00 on Friday night, that you will leave town that night - and actually leave the house an hour later. With minimal stuff.

We had planned on going over to Ouachita this weekend to hang out at a condo my parents have had for years. J and I had talked about just going over Saturday morning because we had nothing packed, and I wanted to do a 5:30 yoga class - which totally rocked, by the way. I'm thinking every week should end with a 5:30 yoga class, but I digress.

I got back from yoga at 6:30, and j informed me that the kids wanted to go over to the lake tonight and had already packed their stuff. Hmmm...so we talked about it while I ate dinner, then threw a bunch of stuff together, made a quick (VERY SIMPLE) meal plan, and hit the road.

There's a hiking trail nearby that looks cool and short enough for the kiddos to do. Even though it's supposed to be uphill for a mile, it culminates in an old crystal mine, and the kids dig the thought of digging for crystals. That may not happen till tomorrow though - they are currently putting together a Lego set. Together. Without fighting. I'm holding my breathe. Maybe it'll last longer then 76 seconds.

Getting Back at It...

3 miler tonight, first two miles at a sub 10:00 mile, but the last one was about 11:11.  I had to stop and walk up a hill, but that's ok.  It's my first run in over 2 weeks, so it was bound to be a bit difficult.  I expect the next couple of runs to be a little more difficult before they start evening out again. 

Yesterday, J and I went to see Steve Martin and the bluegrass band he's playing with right now.  I read Martin's bio a few years ago, and what I most remember reading was how hard he worked for the things he accomplished.  He may have some talent at what he does, but the sheer grunt work that he put into his career(s) was impressive, so I have nothing but respect for the dude. 

The evening was thoroughly enjoyable, because of course Martin didn't just play music (although he is quite an excellent banjo player).  He talked and joked a bit between each song, set up jokes that he would finish 10 minutes later, and talked about the songs they were playing.  For live music like that, there's nothing better than getting insight on what a musician was thinking about when writing his or her songs.  It just makes the entire experience so much richer and more enjoyable. 

It had also been years since I had been to Robinson auditorium, where Martin and the bluegrass crew played.  I had no memory whatsoever of the lobby area, but the performance hall was familiar.  I remember being so intimidated when I was younger, and it all seems so different now.  At any rate, the venue was fine for the music, and the bluegrass group was absolutely wonderful.  The show stopper, though, was the fiddle player.  I honestly he was going to spontaneously combust a few times, his solos were so intense, fast, and amazingly diverse.

Overall, a great evening out, and well worth what the price of the tickets.  And what do you know, I turn around and tomorrow's friday.  Damn the weeks go fast sometimes - even in the summertime.