Perspectives

Many moons ago (ok, mid 1990s), I was a sophomore at the UA up in Fayetteville. J was a freshman at Texas A&M (we don't talk much about those dark days), and it was at least a 9 hour drive from Fayetteville, AR to College Station, TX. We were doing the long distance thing, and that meant that we were putting significant miles on our cars every few weeks.

A few months into that school year, we decided that rather than one of us driving 9 hours one way, we'd meet halfway in Dallas. J had relatives there who were more than happy to host us, so we made a plan to meet there one weekend.

Now, I grew up in the Little Rock area, and had never really driven anywhere other than in small cities at that point in my life. The idea of driving to Dallas and negotiating my way through the city was a bit nerve wracking, but it was either that or drive 9 hours, so it wasn't that hard of a decision. J gave me directions, and one Friday afternoon after classes, I set out from Fayetteville to make the drive.

Unfortunately, I didn't think about the fact that I would be getting into Dallas around rush hour. And I'm not sure I'd ever driven in rush hour traffic in a "big city" before that time (pretty sure I hadn't). And it just so happened to rain right about the time I got into town. And I was driving west as the sun came out after the storm, so I could barely see a damn thing on the road because the sun's reflection from water on the road and the steam made for miserable driving conditions. And despite J's directions, I never saw the exit I was looking for. So I kept driving. And driving. And driving.

Finally, I gave up. I was on the highway I was supposed to be on, but I hadn't found the exit I was supposed to take, and it felt like I'd been driving forever. I decided to take the next exit I saw, find a phone somewhere, and call. Assuming I had the number to his relatives' house somewhere in my car. Which I'm pretty sure I didn't...but I at least had some names.

I think.

I was in a pretty stressed state at this point in the trip, as you can imagine, and I was less than prepared for things to go wrong. Welcome to young adulthood, right?

So anyway, I took the next exit I came to. As I was pulling up to the stoplight at the end of the exit ramp, I glanced in my rear view mirror. Holy shit. There was J, gesturing to me to turn right at the end of the ramp, and then follow him. Thank God. 10 minutes later, we were at his relatives' house.

As it turns out, he'd given me the wrong name for the exit I was supposed to take, so I would never have actually found the right exit. He got into Dallas before I did, figured out he'd given me the wrong exit name, turned around and driven to the exit just before the correct one to watch for me. He'd been sitting at that on-ramp for over TWO HOURS before I finally drove by. I just happened to take the correct exit, which was amazingly lucky. I could easily have taken the one before, and God only knows what would have happened then.

The rest of that weekend was just as surreal as the arrival in Dallas. I was unused to cities that required 5-lane freeway trips to get places, kids 5 years younger than I who acted 10 years older, and the fast pace life that J's relatives lived. It was completely foreign to anything I'd ever lived. His relatives' house was huge, immaculate, beautiful, and just one of hundreds of others just like it. I couldn't imagine having anything like that, and I distinctly remember being intimidated as hell. J's cousins and relatives were all much more sophisticated than I, and living all sorts of interesting lives that I couldn't fathom living.

This past Sunday night, we all gathered at that same house in Dallas, with the same relatives. Except this time, it wasn't a bunch of 20-somethings looking for their path in life. This time, the house held 12 kids under the age of 10, and 12 adults (cousins, spouses, aunts, uncles, etc.) who hardly remember what life before kiddos was like - or who those people were, so many years ago. The house was comfortable, buzzing, and busy with folks living full lives. We all have a few (ok, some of us have more than a few) gray hairs, wrinkles, and scars that life has given us. And a bit more confidence than we might have had 15 or so years ago. Or maybe we're just too busy trying to live our lives to worry about some of the stuff we used to worry about.

Either way, the contrast between my first (nearly disastrous) visit to Dallas and this most recent one was very sharp. I know there are some advantages to youth, but I'm very happy to be at this place in my life. I might occasionally miss some of the things the me of yesterday had, but I would never want to go back to that time. The lessons learned in the interim have been too valuable.

And I sorta like being able to hold my own in Dallas traffic, too. Don't let the Arkansas plates fool you, asshole Dallas drivers. I can cut you off with the best of 'em...