Hiatus

Writer's Block.

Taking a break until the New Year, unless inspiration strikes before. See ya in 2012.

Whew.

Well. That was a whirlwind. Christmas 2011 in the books.

The last few days, bullet style:

• Christmas
• Relatives
• Food
• Running
• Cooking
• Eating

Aaaand, going forward, bullet style:

• Errands
• New Years Eve prep - headcount wise, we're somewhere between 6 adults, 3 kids, and 12 adults, 7 kids. Gonna be awesome.
• More running
• More eating
• More cooking
• Laundry

Hopefully something more substantive soon.

Overdone

I might've overdone it a little this week on the exercise. On Tuesday, I ran 5 miles. Last night, I ran 3 more miles at a fairly rapid pace. Then I played a singles match against a junior player who kicked my ass all OVER the court. This morning? I hurt. You'd think I would know better than to run before playing singles, but sometimes I'm not so smart.

The best part of this? I have another tennis match in an hour. At least this one is just doubles, thank god. I'm not sure I'd survive another singles match.

Unrelated

I'm SURE the following two truths for the day are unrelated:

1. My chocolate chip cookie recipe did not make as many cookies as usual.

2. I have no appetite for dinner at all.

Holiday Craziness

Fast and furious:

• Finishing last minute shopping, taking care of last minute errands, doing all the things that need doing.
• Finally about over the cold from hell.
• Looking more and more likely that work is gonna happen starting in early January. Holy crap I've got a lot of stuff to do before then.
• Need to get back to exercising - we're all better off when I work out.

Blood Sugar Low...Danger Will Robinson...

Scene: Kroger parking lot.
Time: Yesterday afternoon, 5pm, approximately 2 hours after I finished my 10 mile long run. 

Me:  You know, my friend and exercise guru Anne told me that about two hours after a long run, your hormones peak and your blood sugar is at its lowest. This might explain why I turn into a bitch from hell for a little while, regardless of what I eat or drink after a long run.

J:  Huh. I didn't realize you ran so many long runs.

He barely survived.

Bookishly Different

I went to a new book club last night. Well, the club itself isn't new, I'm the newbie - which means I was playing "what's your name again?" all night. But that aside, I had a good time. Most of them are avid readers, which totally rocks. We also spent a solid two hours talking about the book, and not much else. The conversation didn't devolve into other topics until folks started leaving, which was a bit unusual from my book club experience. We also only killed one bottle of wine and a 6 pack of beer among 8 of us - whaaa? That is definitely unusual from my previous groups!

I knew exactly one person there, the hostess, whom I've only met a few times but is absolutely lovely (this is the perfect word for her, trust me). And she's a redhead, so yay for that too! But that aside, I have no idea what most of the other seven women there do for a living, whether they work, what their backgrounds are, etc. I gathered that most of them have kids, which of course is familiar ground for me, and caught a few slices of life here and there, but for the most part, we talked about the book (State of Wonder if you are curious).

What was most entertaining to me about the evening, though, was that my viewpoint seemed quite a bit different from most of the others. There were other professional types there, though, so it wasn't a job thing. And there were folks that had lived in big cities (or at least, bigger cities). So it wasn't that. I just felt the most... I dunno, "nontraditional" in thought.

Granted, this is after exactly 2 hours of conversation, during which not everyone spoke a lot, and I absolutely know I'm making a generalization here. But I think I was the only one who wasn't crazy about the book (it was good, it just wasn't that good), and I had some very different opinions on some of the events. One of the things I've always enjoyed about book discussions is hearing how other peoples' opinions and interpretations are so different from mine. Now I'm wondering if I'm gonna be "that" one - the one who usually has the differing opinion.

On the plus side, I've been invited back, so at least I'll get a chance to find out!

NOISE!

Holy cow. I do NOT know how teachers do it. I spent about 2 hours at the kiddos' school this morning, playing ping-pong between their two rooms, and I'm beat. I didn't even do any of the hard work; I just showed up and did what I was told. I know teachers are grossly underpaid for what they do, and a day like this completely confirms it. I'm sure it's a bit out of the ordinary, but wow. Crazy crazy stuff, insane noise levels, excited kiddos, and a good bit of chaos.  Whew.

And what's even better? Now we have two - two - weeks out of school, while the weather is cold and it's difficult to get outside and run around. Woo freakin' hoo. It's almost enough to make me miss Texas weather...ALMOST.

Early Riser?

I don't know what the magic age is when kids start sleeping in, but I do know that we haven't hit it yet. Benjamin is close enough to it, though, that he remarked the other day, "Mom, why is it so easy to get up on the stay home days, but I just want to sleep on school mornings?" I told him he had discovered one of the universal truths in life. I'm kinda sad for him that he's already figuring it out. Poor guy, that's a lot of disappointing mornings.

This morning, though, he came downstairs looking a bit miffed. He walked up to my bed (please note: I'm taking advantage of the whole 'slacker' situation for a bit longer and staying in bed as long as humanly possible in the morning) and said that he was upset. He didn't wake up until 6:47.

Me:  Ummmm...isn't that what time your alarm goes off?

Him: Yes, I wanted to get up earlier than that.

Me: *blink*

Me: Why, exactly, do you want to get up earlier than your alarm?

Him:  So I beat Alyssa to the bathroom!

Ahhhh, the beginning of the bathroom wars. I'm thinking Irish coffee may be the morning drink of choice when they hit the teenage years. Can you hear me rolling my eyes?

Elves...

Yesterday, a friend of mine posted a link to an article lambasting the Christmas Elf. Now, we don't have an elf. I've thought about it occasionally, but never acted on it. You guys know my feeling on Christmas cards; what on earth would possess me to purchase an elf, right?

So I was tempted to click the "like" button agreeing with the article, but it occurred to me that I might be a wee bit hypocritical with that one. After all, for some folks, that truly is great fun. And some kiddos will have some wonderful memories from their Christmas Elf. It's just not my deal.

Yesterday morning, I went to the kiddos' school to ostensibly 'help' with a Christmas program going on there. I showed up late, so pretty much all I did was stand around and chat. And I really didn't even do that very well - I just listened. I didn't feel like I had too much to add to the conversations, and despite the folks all being very nice, it's just not a group I seem to fit in with. I'm thinking these must be the Elf moms. I'm not sure how it happened, but that gene skipped me.

Now that I think about it, I'm apparently missing a lot of helpful 'mom' type genes. The arts and crafts gene, the 'manages to keep a house clean' gene, the 'has neat ideas and carries them out for her kiddos' gene, the 'never raises her voice' gene, the 'my kids always have matching socks and clean clothes' gene - sheesh. It's a good thing there wasn't a test I had to pass to become a parent, because I would've failed. The Christmas Elf would've just been the beginning.

What is the World Coming To?

This morning, I've been out of the house, on an interview, at the kiddos' school, back home, and eaten lunch - all by 11:30. What is the world coming to???

Not so much on the interesting stuff today - I doubt you want to hear about the cold from hell, lack of sleep, and general irritation I have with being sick.

The interview seemed to go really well, though, despite my appearing to have the plague. This is the same firm I interviewed with a few weeks ago, just a different partner with whom I'd probably be working closely. I did spare the partner I met today a handshake - figured it might not get things started on the right foot to shake her hand and then sneeze my head off and blow my nose through the entire interview.

Anyway. From all accounts, things seem to be going really well. I'm actually excited about the prospect of going back to work and re-engaging my brain. With the exception of trips to Houston, I've been pretty much by myself during the day for the past three years. I've gotten used to the quiet, and I'm sure I'll miss some of it, but it will be SO nice to have other people around again. Who knew - apparently I've lost my skills as an introvert!

REALLY???

On my way to volunteer in the girl's class this afternoon, I went by Sonic. I figured that since I was voluntarily spending 2 hours in charge of 17 kindergartners, I would need a bit of fortification. I ordered a burger, some tots, and a large vanilla diet coke. What? You haven't had Sonic's diet coke with vanilla in it? You are seriously missing out. It is a staple in my small indulgences arsenal, and at one point or another might have gone terrifically well with a bit of rum. But I digress.

I ordered my food this afternoon, and got the following response:  "Um, our drink machine isn't working. The only thing was have is orange juice and Dr. Pepper."  SERIOUSLY? You're sending me into a classroom of 5 year olds UNARMED?  Just shoot me now.

Notes from the Race

As I said, the race was actually really well run, well organized, and well supported. There were plenty of aid stations, more energy gels along the course than I ever expected, and they got lucky enough to have a fantastic day for a race. My time from my garmin was 2:17:35, which is a 10:26 average pace.

I had been planning to run this one with a couple of friends, so I didn't really intend to make this a "hard" race or go for time or anything. I just wanted to get a nice long run under my belt and see what the hills were like. As it turns out, though, I'm not really too good at running races "slowly." I ran with one of my friends until mile 5, where we separated (mainly because I had to stop for "over hydration", and she was able to keep going). Here are the first five miles:

Mile 1: 10:12
Mile 2: 12:02
Mile 3: 10:13
Mile 4: 10:42
Mile 5: 15:03 <------- see the break there????

Average over the first 5 miles: 11:38 (although with the 15 minute lap, it would have been closer to 10:45 average). 

The second part of the race was me attempting to catch up with my friend, and the proceed to leave her behind when she had to stop for nature's call. Once I did that, I decided to give it a go and see what kind of times I would have if I ran hard.

Mile 6: 9:46
Mile 7: 9:39
Mile 8: 10:11
Mile 9: 9:14
Mile 10: 9:25
Mile 11: 10:04
Mile 12: 10:02
Mile 13: 9:06
Mile 14: 9:19 (average over .2 mi).

Average over the last miles: 9:41 pace.

I felt really good about the last half of the race. I'm going to have to figure out a better scheme for pre-race hydration (you know, like actually taking care of things before the race starts???), but I'm very happy with the last 8 miles of that run. I actually felt so good finishing this race that the idea of a marathon didn't frighten me as much as it has in the past.

Of course, I am now fighting an evil cold, but I feel less like death warmed over than I did yesterday. So I guess that's progress, right? And I'm not having too much trouble getting around (read: not very sore), so I feel like my base is strong. So yeah. Good race, good friends, good time. Same time next year?

Quick Update

Fayetteville Half Marathon, in the books. My time was not stellar, but it was better than I expected. The weather was cold but really perfect - around 23 at race time, probably just over freezing as we finished, with a nice warm sun. It was a well supported race, with some amazingly beautiful scenery. My time was somewhere around 2:17 or 2:18 - certainly not the fastest, but not the slowest either.

I'll probably post a little more in detail once I get a chance, but I managed to catch a cold over the weekend and am still attempting to recover from that, as well as get all the stuff ready for this week that isn't yet ready. And really...Christmas in two weeks? Jeez. Guess I should consider making a list to check sometime soon.

Bulletin'

Whew, it's about to get crazy(er) around here. The next few days, somewhat randomly:

• Run like mad to get the house in order and errands taken care of today.
• Tennis and 3 miles also on the agenda.
• J is out of town, so I'm flying solo. I don't really mind this, but it does mean I have to think things through a  little more than normal. See: dinner plans, reading before bed, etc. 
• Get guest room ready - I have a good friend who will be staying with us Sunday night. I pick her up at the airport tomorrow morning and we go straight to Fayetteville, where we'll run the half marathon up there this weekend. So I won't have a chance to get anything else around the house done once I drop the kiddos off at school tomorrow.
• It's supposed to be in the low 20s when we start the run on Sunday morning. HOLY CRAP THAT'S COLD. I revise my former statement from saying that it's going to be just cold to saying that it's going to be ass-freezing cold. BRRRRR.
• Race goals - I don't really have one. I'll be running with other folks most likely, and I imagine we'll run a 10:30 or so pace. I need to look at the course elevation to figure out how hellish it's gonna be. Last time I remember looking at it, it seemed like there were 3 miles of uphills to 1 mile of downhill. That ought to be fun...

Optimism with a Side of Cynicism?

From my fortune cookie tonight:  "Hope for the best but prepare for the worst."

Huh.

Snow, Already?

We got snow last night! Not enough to cancel work or school, but enough to snarl traffic and make travel around here hell for the morning commute. Fortunately, that's not something I need to worry about just yet.

The girl came downstairs first this morning and had no idea it had snowed. I told her to go look out the window, and she looked at me in disbelief. She ran to the window, then yelled up the stairs to Benjamin that it had snowed, and he should come down and see. Of course, feet immediately pounded down the stairs, and their voices rose about two octaves in pitch and several decibels in volume.

I love the reminders of how much fun snow days used to be. This wasn't exactly a snow day - they still had to go to school - but they got outside and played in the snow for a little while this morning. It'll all be melted by this afternoon, so I'm really happy they got to enjoy it for a little while.

From what I've read, Little Rock has had one of the snowiest years since they started keeping records. That's pretty cool, but it also sets the bar pretty damn high for the kiddos. They are going to expect lots of snow every winter - good luck with that, kiddos. Chances are, it ain't gonna happen. But enjoy it when it happens. 

Rhythms

I've said before that I am not a dancer. I have very little rhythm when it comes to a dance floor, and prefer to leave that stuff to the much more capable folks around me.

That said, I feel like I see a lot of dancing in my life, lots of different rhythms. When I lived in Houston, the morning commute felt like something of a dance - the cars, the predictability, the traffic flow. It was a familiar pattern, and the idea that it was a dance often occurred to me as I drove to work in the morning.

Today, I played a doubles match with three other women - I'd never played with this particular combination of individuals, and it was pretty evident that there were some personality conflicts. However, if your goal is to play tennis, you don't have to like everyone you play with, and that worked just fine today. It was a faster paced game than I'm used to (very little stopping, very little smiling or chatting), but once we all settled into a rhythm, I was again reminded of dancing. Everyone knew their role, the balls made their way around the court in a pattern, and the players moved to where they needed to be. Very little conversation was made, but it wasn't necessary. It was still some damn good tennis, and it was very nearly automatic. It was therapeutic. Of course, it's always therapeutic to hit the crap out of something, but it was quite nice to be on autopilot today.

On the court next to ours were four elderly gentlemen who were also playing a game of doubles. That court had the feel of a group that had been playing together for years. There were bent backs, wrapped knees (well, my court had that one, too), shorts hiked up way too high with shirts tucked in way too far, and various ailments. But they had their own rhythm going as well. It was much slower than ours, but it was well timed for them and they were having a great time.

A friend of mine, one who has just started running, told me recently that running felt incredibly hard to her. However, one day recently, she ran farther than she'd ever run before, and it had started to smooth out. My own experience tells me that I have to hit somewhere north of half a mile before my body even begins to settle into any rhythm and feel comfortable. Other friends I've talked to have the same experience - the beginning is a pain in the ass, but once you find your rhythm, it get so much easier.

Seeing rhythms in life, places were people 'dance', is fascinating to me. Thinking about in the context of running is a good reminder that beginnings are often rough, but that the way smooths as you get farther along. To me, this is a good reason to not give up at the beginning of something; sometimes the start is just plain tough, but the benefits - the dance - that comes later is completely worth it.

Expiration Date?

I'm not sure why I bother to look at the expiration date on a gallon of milk anymore. Between the girl and I, we manage to knock out a gallon of milk every 2 to 3 days, if not sooner. We've gone from a half gallon that sometimes expired to this - amazing.

Death of a Friendship

I've recently managed to kill a friendship in my life. That's always fun, isn't it?

It's not one that holds much meaning in my life any more. Its time has passed, and I suppose I've gotten what I needed from it, learned my lessons, and moved on. There are always people - friends - who are peripherally in your life. I can think of several friends off the top of my head who were around for critical periods of time, only to later drift away without fanfare or even any realization that it was happening. There are unfinished relationships, too - the ones where you'd like a chance to say a few more things to whomever it is that is no longer in your life. And there are the relationships with people who you talk with once a year, if that, but you always seem to be able to pick up where you left off.

This isn't any of those, though. This is one where I've said everything that needs to be said, I've done everything that needs to be done, and it honestly is just complete. The circle has closed, and if it ever opens again, I'd be surprised. I think that somehow makes it easier. That's not to say I won't miss it; it was extremely important at certain times in my life. But I'm at peace with it. And I'm not sure I could possibly ask for anything else.

12 Miler

I didn't quite manage 14 miles on Saturday - I started the run too late, so I had to cut it short at 12, but it was an excellent 12 miles. At one point, I was deep in the doldrums of some depressing line of thought, and as I ran past another runner, he sent a smile my way. It was amazing how much that helped lift my spirits and put a spring back in my step. It reminded me to keep smiling at folks that I passed - some of them might need one a lot more than I did.

I managed 6 miles on the NLR side of the Big Dam Bridge, then crossed over to the LR side and met up with a friend to run the rest. We're both doing the Fayetteville Half this weekend - I'm a little concerned about the hills, but the weather is at least looking good. Cold, but not ass-freezing cold (yes, there IS a difference), and no rain/sleet/snow in the forecast right now.

There are 5 of us running the race on Sunday morning, and I expect that 4 of the 5 will probably be pretty close to each other in terms of finish time. J will probably blow us all out of the water - that's what long legs will get you, I suppose. Guess that's something I'll never know!

A Learning Experience

One of the many things I learned this weekend: never ever chase a glass of good wine from the end of one bottle with a glass of fresh wine that is nowhere nearly as good as the wine you just finished. It can only result in disappointment.

Slow Mover

I've got a 14 miler on my schedule this weekend. I really REALLY don't wanna do it today, but I have a window of about 4 hours this morning / afternoon where it needs to happen. After that, it won't happen (see: rain and cold starting later tonight). So I'm trying to psych myself up for it.

On a different front, the yearly ratings for tennis came out this past week. I was bumped from a 4.5 to a 5.0 this year, and I have mixed feelings about that. On the one hand, yay that I'm still getting better. On the other, though, I lose the big group of people I've been playing with the last few years and graduate into a much smaller group of folks. There isn't as much tennis at the 5.0 level, and I'm not very good about drumming up matches and practicing on my own.

So it looks like I'll be focusing on my running for the foreseeable future. I guess that's ok, but I'll miss some of the camaraderie and competitiveness that came with my tennis league in the spring. But who knows. Maybe I'll end up finally running a marathon this year...we'll see. First, I have to get this 14 miler out of the way though. Joy.

Professional

 Ya know, it is so much better to interview when you have nearly 10 years of experience under your belt in your chosen profession. Nerves weren't even a factor yesterday - so much so that I was damn near late to the thing. Oops. And I have to say, it was extremely nice to be in a professional setting again. Over time I've gotten pretty used to an office setting, and it felt a bit like home to be wandering around corridors and offices yesterday - not to mention hanging out in conference rooms.

So the interview went very well, I think. I was up front about what I want (flexible schedule, non partnership track, etc.), and they seemed very receptive to it. In fact, I think they expected it. The partners I interviewed with were easy to talk to, and I don't think I committed too many gaffes. Not that I could tell, anyway. The main partner I talked with walked me around after the interview to meet various folks at the firm, and I can't help but think that that is a good sign.

There is one more person they want me to speak with, the partner with whom I'd probably be working the closest. Once that is done, assuming she likes me, maybe we'll talk specifics. Who knows, I might find myself working again come the new year. Ahhh, to bid adieu to the world of a slacker...it's probably for the best. I haven't eaten a single bon bon or watched a single second of daytime television - I don't even have pink fuzzy bunny slippers or curlers in my hair. I'm probably not a very good slacker.

A Suit? Seriously?

OK, yes. I'm wearing a suit today. It's been nearly a year since I've put any of my suits on, and when I tried them on yesterday, they were all loose. Guess I should thank the running for that one.

Reason for a suit? I have an interview later today with a law firm in town. I have no idea if they have a need for my skill set, or if it will be a good fit, but it's worth a shot.

When I went into law school, I swore I wasn't going to do litigation. When I graduated law school, I swore I would never do litigation. When I started my first job - not in litigation - I swore I didn't have the personality for litigation and didn't know how the litigators did it.

Fast forward 10 years, 8 years of which I practiced litigation, and I've pretty much learned to never say never. The interview today is with the head of litigation. It's a good firm, good people, and they appear to do interesting work. There are far worse things in life than that. Send good vibes.

Conroy

I've been reading Pat Conroy's autobiographical My Reading Life over the last few weeks. Conroy wrote The Great Santini, Lords of Discipline, and Prince of Tides, all of which I've read and enjoyed. This one, however, is probably my favorite because of the insight it gives into his writing. He also waxes poetic about words and phrases and books and authors - things that I adore.

I've had about four separate times in the book (and it's a fairly short one) where I've paused, put the book down for a few moments, and reflected on what he's said.

"I reach for a story to save my own life."

This one is my favorite, followed closely by this one:

"Hurt is a great teacher. Maybe the greatest of all."

These statement, separated by about 2 pages in the book, ring incredibly true to me. During some of the more painful times in my life, books have helped me make sense of events and situations, and have helped me keep my sanity (what little there was of it, anyway).

I've not been reading as much lately for one reason or another. I forget how nourishing a good read can be. Too bad there are only 24 hours in a day...

Ahhhhh.

What a great couple of days. There was (of course) lots of food and lots of connecting with friends and family. The kiddos played with their cousins for two or three straight days, and I'm pretty sure I had too much fun for it to be legal. Ah well. What's a holiday for, after all.

Saturday, I made a last minute decision to run my12 miler that morning instead of waiting until Sunday afternoon. I hit the river trail about 10:15am, and the rain started around 11:30. Unfortunately, I was still two miles from my car when it starting coming down in earnest. Fortunately, we all know I'm not made of sugar, so I managed to finish the run without melting. It was actually kind of peaceful - a slow, gentle rain in 60 degree weather. I got 7 miles in before I called it quits. Hm. 7 miles does not equal the 12 I was supposed to do.

So Sunday afternoon, I finished the 5 miles that the rain aborted. When I reviewed my running log, I discovered that, barring injury or sickness in the next few days, I will have more than 60 miles for this month. I've not logged that many monthly miles since January of 2010, and that makes me a little paranoid - that was the month I managed to screw up my knee. That was the wonderful injury that derailed serious exercise in general for about 6 months; not a fun time.

The Fayetteville half marathon is in just under two weeks. At this point, I'm not 100% ready, but I'm pretty sure I can knock out that run without killing myself. And as a bonus, there are lots of friends running that one with me, so it's going to be a blast, sore quads and all.

Reincarnation

It feels a wee bit cliche around Thanksgiving to talk about the things for which I am most grateful - even though this is when you are supposed to do it, after all. But I'm not usually fan of doing things the normal or easy way. Something contrary in my personality maybe. So really, saying how incredibly thankful I feel this time of the year feels a bit awkward and doesn't come naturally. (I kind of suck at that sort of stuff in person.)

That aside, though - I am incredibly thankful for the people in my life. I try to pay attention on a daily basis to the things with which I'm blessed. And some days I do better than others. But this year, I feel exceedingly fortunate. Sometimes I wonder what kind of miracles I worked in a prior life to wind up here. Happy, healthy, and very, very grateful for friends and family who give meaning to my life.

About the Running, Among other Things...

Yeesh. I'm not sure how I can really say that the last few weeks have been all that busy...but they have! But we all know that's an excuse. I just haven't been running. We've got the Fayetteville half marathon coming up in just under 3 weeks, and I really need to get my ass in gear. The best long run I've gotten didn't make it to 11 miles, and my weekly three and four milers have been sorely lacking. So today, I get back to it. It'll probably be a treadmill kinda day, but that's ok. I just need to take get some miles under my belt and get back on track.

Oh, and on a different note, I sent some resumes around last week. I finally hit the point where I felt like it was the right time to start looking. I've gotten some positive feedback, but I'm not sure things will play out. I do kind of miss having some structure to my day, but I'm not looking forward to the craziness that comes with two working parents. Oh well, no reason to bellyache about it - it'll all work out eventually.

Mount Magazine

Although I lived in Arkansas for my entire childhood, I somehow never made it up to Mount Magazine - the highest point in Arkansas. This weekend, J and I joined some friends at a cabin up there, and it was beautiful. Although we were fogged in on Saturday (visibility was about 20 feet at some points), we did get out to do a 3 hour 4-wheeler tour that afternoon, which was a ton of fun. I've never really ridden a 4-wheeler before, so I was a bit nervous at first. But after about half an hour, I started to get the feel for it, and really enjoyed myself. We went up and down back trails in the mountains, while I tried not to drive into a tree as I took in the sights. The trees were definitely past peak foliage, but still quite beautiful. It was a good reminder of how beautiful some parts of this state are.

We stayed at one of the cabins up on the mountain, near the Mount Magazine lodge; the back deck looked out over this incredible vista (which we didn't really see until Sunday morning, but whatev. It was there.). We took full advantage of the hot tub out there both nights, even though the first night it was about 40 degrees and windy as hell. We also hiked to the top of Signal Hill, which is the highest point in Arkansas. It was interesting to be at a point where there was no more 'up' - you were at the top.

We ate well, drank well, played Settlers of Catan for the first time (I think J is hooked, which will not be a surprise to anyone who knows him), and generally had a very good time. I'm pretty sure we'll want to take the kiddos next time we go - I think they'd dig some of the hiking trails, and the scenery was pretty incredible in places. I'm sure I'll be setting myself up for some whining, but whatever. That's my role, right? That's what a parent does.

Peace

Some of my posts a while back touched on finding peace and happiness in life - you know, those intangibles that I suppose we all search for, one way or another. It was a bit startling for me to realize, several years ago, that happiness isn't really a 'linear' type thing (A+B does not necessarily = C), nor is it a predetermined goal that someone else can set for you. In fact, the happiness and peace that is spoken of by one person often means not a damn thing to anyone else - each person has to decide for him or herself what creates those elements in his or her life. Yes, this seems like common sense, and maybe it is to some people. But I tend to be slow on the uptake of some things, and this one took me a while to internalize. 

I've had several discussions with friends lately about how to get there, how to find these things in life. About how to figure out what makes you feel fulfilled, what makes your life satisfactory to you. Apparently I'm not the only one who thinks of this stuff - that's good to know. Hehe.

But it has been a very interesting, intense several weeks. After a lot of deep conversations and thoughts, I'm finding a sense of peace about my life and where I am. There are some things that need some tackling, and that will happen. But overall...I have nothing to complain about. I'm feeling more comfortable in my skin than I have in years, and it's a good feeling. And even better, more comfortable about my path forward. And really, if I have that - I have not a damn thing to complain about.

But I'm sure I still will.  ;-)

Wow.

It has been a LONG time since I've been this sore. More specifically, since my legs have been this sore. My quads are killing me tonight. My regular doubles game tonight was an exercise in how to move as little as possible and still lose a match.

I guess I ran a lot harder than I thought on Monday, I just didn't realize it. I've been running without my heart rate strap lately, which is usually a pretty good gauge of how much effort I'm putting into a run. I thought I didn't really 'need' a heart rate monitor to tell me how much effort I was putting into a run, but now I'm thinking I might be wrong. Well, my legs are telling me I'm wrong anyway.

So next long run, I guess I'll go back to the heart rate strap and try to keep my heart rate down while I run. Dammit. Maybe by the time I do my next long run, it won't be 80 friggin' degrees.  Grrrr.

Don't Be Stupid

I didn't get a chance to do my long run this weekend, so I ended up doing it yesterday morning / early afternoon. The goal was 12 miles, even though I had only done 1 of the 3 midweek runs that I was supposed to do last week. I'm not sure whether it was my slackerness on that front, or the 20mph wind gusts, or the 80 degree weather, or whether I just wasn't hydrated / fortified correctly, but I only managed 10.75. I don't tend to cut runs short very often, but when I paused to get a drink before finishing the last 1.25 miles, I just didn't feel right.

I can be as hard core as anyone, but when it comes to pushing my body what I think is too far? I just don't do it. I've never been a fan of working out so hard that you puke, or pushing yourself to injury or to the very brink of passing out or whatever. I think you can achieve great results without being stupid. And I felt "off" enough yesterday that it made me think that finishing the last bit of distance, without anyone running with me, would be stupid. I'm irritated, yes, and sore as hell today, but oh well. Perhaps I'll now be motivated to get the weekly runs in, instead of just counting on long distance for the weekend. We'll see, right?

On a different front, the kindergarten teachers at the kiddos' schools had a parent meeting last night to talk about testing and test scores and all manner of goodness. I saw the emphasis test scores got last year towards the end of the year, when they focused on the skills they need for testing, and it irritated me. I'm a little easier with it this year, because I haven't seen as much of that yet. And I feel better after the meeting last night, because they are asking for help from home to work on some of those skills, so they can continue to teach other stuff in the classroom. I'm good with that. We were given some tools and suggestions on what to work on, many of which I know the girl is going to really enjoy.

It still makes me sad, though, how much emphasis this stuff gets. Good teachers should never have to fear for their jobs because of a decision a 5 year old makes. But that's what can happen, and it is very frustrating. Not to mention the fact that the main focus is on growth. I'm not knocking that idea - in fact, I think it's wonderful to show improvement over the year. At the same time, I know my kiddos don't always improve in a linear fashion. B's reading went in fits and starts last year, but took a huge jump over the summer. What do you do with kids like that? The ones who are absolutely smart enough, who are getting the correct teaching, and just haven't quite made the leap yet? Because if you have kids, you know how that happens. They may improve a small amount over a few months, and then make a huge leap. And my takeaway from last night is if that small improvement happens over a testing period, regardless of what happens next, the teacher is screwed. The testing mentality, as it stands, sucks.

Stepping down from the soapbox now, I promise. Although I kind of liked being up high for a few minutes...maybe I'll do that more often.

Sunday Settling

I've spent the last two or three days out of town, visiting a good friend of mine. It was a fantastic trip, but of course involved driving and wayyyy too little sleep. Neither of which is a huge deal, but takes me a few days to recover. Another fun reminder that I am getting farther and farther from 18. Ugh. But the trip also involved Macallan 18 and some killer, knock your socks off sushi, among other things. I definitely came out ahead on this one. I got in around 7:30 last night and cratered around 10:00. I was DONE.

But so happy I went.

So today, I've got a 12 miler on tap, along with all the stuff involved in getting ready for the week. I'm sure there's a grocery run and other assorted things that have popped up while I've been gone. But that's ok. As much as I enjoyed the trip, I'm definitely happy to be home.

Moan, Groan, Complain, Gripe

I have a cold. It's not horrible, but it's annoying. It's wearing me down.
I managed a 3 mile run yesterday morning and played doubles last night. I didn't really enjoy either workout, and that's not like me. In fact, I couldn't wait to get off the court last night. I was asleep by 10:30.
Today, my hip hurts like hell and is suggesting that I take the day off from any physical activity.
I think the universe is trying to tell me something.

Morning Running

There's a reason I don't like running in the morning. I suck at it. I went for a 3 mile run after dropping off the kiddos this morning, and it pretty much sucked the entire way. I listened to my favorite running podcast (heavy on the philosophy and dualism and Des Cartes today), which should have made it fly by. Instead, my legs complained, my breathing was not easy, and it just felt like a harder run than it should have.

Could be due to the cold I have right now, which seems to now include a cough - BONUS! Or it could be the 10 miler that included the hellacious hill this weekend. Or, the most likely reason - I'm just not a morning runner. I'm thinking too many years of tennis practice at 4pm conditioned my body to be active in the afternoon. That morning stuff is for the birds. 

On the plus side, it was beautiful today. The leaves are either at peak or just beyond, and the colors were amazing. We should see a pretty good storm front come through this afternoon, so we'll probably lose a lot of the color, but it was beautiful this morning. Another reminder of why I enjoy being back in Arkansas so much. Fall colors rock.

Weekend Wrapup

I guess it's more than just the weekend, but here's the last several days, anyway.

• Hash run last Wednesday night (local running group with the slogan 'we are a drinking group with a running problem') - 4 miles, interesting people, good pizza. A good night.
• I can't remember Thursday. Oh wait. I just did. It involved a Fall Festival at the kids' school and a 40 minute temper tantrum from the girl. Now I wish I hadn't remembered Thursday...
• Short run Friday - 3 miles, a good pace, a nice run. 
• Friday night - a great time at my friend M's house. I met some very interesting women, and had several excellent conversations. I also ended up staying up way too late, crashing for about an hour on their couch before J was ready to go and drove my tired ass home. I think we finally went to bed around 3:30 Saturday morning.
• Saturday - took me most of the morning to recover from the previous night. Also met with some folks about redoing the shower in our master bathroom - that bathroom project is going to be FUN, lemme tell you. You know you're gonna hear more than you ever want to about it in the coming months...
• Saturday afternoon - last baseball game of the season! Yay! B got on base both times he was at bat, which was awesome to see. He's got some potential, and he's improved dramatically this season. His mom needs to take a serious chill pill, but she's working on that...and we are now done with Wednesday night practices and Saturday games. WHEW.
• Saturday night - watched the Hogs game with some friends and chilled out. Went to bed early.
• Today - after NINE hours of sleep, J and I got up, made breakfast, and plotted our day, including 10 mile runs for both of us.
• Today's run was pretty decent. I ran a lot of it with my friend M, so I didn't have much time for introspection, but that's probably for the best. She and I did 8 miles on the Little Rock side of the river, including one serious kick-ass hill. It was nearly a solid mile going straight uphill. I think I trashed my quads for the next week on that sucker. But she has a point - if we're gonna run a half mary in Fayetteville, dammit, we have to run some hills. I just wasn't thinking a 1 mile steep straight up hill, but whatever. We did it. We're cool like that.

So tonight I'm hanging on the couch, thinking about the upcoming week. I'm thinking I'll put my resume together this week and maybe start this whole job hunt thing in earnest. Really...as much as I have enjoyed being home, I'm more productive with a bit of structure to my days. I'm not in a huge hurry yet, but it's time. I think. 

Ahem. Hello? Anyone Still Here?

I've said before that when I have certain kinds of things going on in my life, it makes it hard to write. Let's just say I've had a LOT of stuff going on. I think I can safely say that October 2011 was one of the most interesting months of my life. Not bad, not good, just interesting. And I can take that. That's a hell of a lot better than "bad," right?

I've got some good friends going through some really difficult times right now. I can identify with them, and some of it reminds me of the rough time I had several years ago. It was a time I would never wish on anyone else, yet left me with so much gained that I'd never wish it hadn't occurred. Yeah, that made no sense. But anyway. I don't envy what they are going through. At. All.

It's also had me thinking a lot about my life, too. I have some rather unconventional beliefs about a lot of things in life, and I've seen some of those played out recently. For the most part, it has reconfirmed that the road less traveled works well for me in a lot of areas. But the problem with the road less traveled is that none of the road maps are very good. CW has lots to say about what is conventional - what you do in normal situations. But get off the normal path, and, well, you're really on your own.

So yeah. Lots of thinking and talking going on here. J has called me a "text therapist" more than once lately, and I'm feeling a bit like that. The problem is that it's difficult to step back from the drama sometimes, even if it's not really my drama. But all good. Let's see if I can't jumpstart the writing and get back to it this week. Fingers crossed.

Operation Organize Laundry

So I have a new project. Yesterday I got to break out my new (well, new to me) table saw and play with it. Holy cow. The things that took hours with my circular saw took less than 10 minutes with the table saw. And yes, I was extremely careful. And plywood is heavier than I remembered!

I saw a plan for a laundry organizer a few weeks ago, and have been debating whether I wanted to give it a try. The master bathroom, which is usually a family bathroom, often gets buried under dirty clothes, and no scheme we have yet tried seems to work. This little project, basically a cabinet for stacking laundry baskets vertically, seems promising. So we'll see. I made all the cuts yesterday, now I just have to put it together. But considering how late I was up last night watching the Cards FINALLY win Game 6 and then having to come down off the adrenaline high - it might not happen until tomorrow.

And once I find my camera, I'll post a few pics once it's done.  Heh. Haven't seen it in a while...probably buried in the bedroom under dirty clothes.

Tiny Dancer

Yesterday, Alyssa got in the car and told me that they'd had a "miniature baseball player" come talk to them in class today. Ummm...I wasn't quite sure what she meant by that, so I asked her - was it a kiddo? No, not a kiddo. Was it a teenager? No, not a teenager. Was it someone's dad? Yeah, someone's dad.

Um, you don't mean amateur, do you, Alyssa? 

Yeah. Amateur, that's it!