Saturday Silence

The kiddos stayed at my mom's last night, and j had to work this morning, so I have a quiet house! Not for too long though, we're headed to the lake so I'm gonna have to get my ass in gear and get moving.

I did another Friday yoga class last night, then spent the rest of the evening watching gymnastics trials. Damn those kids are incredible. I had forgotten how nice it can be to just veg in front of the tv watching Olympic stuff. I remember watching for hours as a kid - and barely getting my homework done for the two weeks the games were on. It was kinda nice to just sit and be entertained, although the commercials are annoying as all get out. Guess I need to use the dvr, huh.

At any rate, it's Saturday, and I'm quite happy it's here. Time to get moving and head towards the lake. Helllooooo sunscreen!

Things Happen

I used to believe in the adage that states unequivocably "things happen for a reason." I'm a bit past that now - I don't think there are reasons other than what we find or choose to make of things.

But sometimes it would be nice to believe that there is some "sign" that you are on the right road, that you are making the right decisions. That at some point there will be a finish line that tells you that whatever tough decision you made was the "right" decision.

Of course, many decisions don't really have a 'right' or 'wrong' either. You make your decisions, and then you make the best of them - and if you make the best of them, you've made a 'right' decision.  If you second guess and regret what you've done and wish you'd done things differently, you've made a 'wrong' decision.  I read a quote yesterday that resonated deeply with me.

"I have always found that each step we take in life is to be regretted--
if we once begin to wonder how many other steps might have been possible."

John Oliver Hobbes

You make your decision, and you move forward and don't look back - you don't regret - because as soon as you do, you lose all the energy and thought that went into the decision in the first place. And second guessing yourself takes away from where you are NOW, and where you are trying to be. You can't change what is in the past. The best you can do is move forward and trust yourself that you are doing the right thing, and learn from the decisions that you make.

I know these things, I've lived them and I believe them. Sometimes it doesn't make decision making any easier.

Insomnia

Insomnia sucks. Just sayin'.

Dwelling versus Thinking

I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday, explaining how I'd spent time recently dwelling on something. That felt a little out of character for me, because I associate a negative connotation with that word. She responded that she thought I was a thinker, and maybe it wasn't so out of character for me after all...

This is why I love my friends. They challenge me and make me think.

So I looked up the definition of dwell this morning, and once I got past the whole "housing and structures" thing, one definition was "to fasten ones attention on". Huh, she might be right. Of course, the synonym given was "brood," and that also seems a bit dark.

I do like to think. It is part of my nature. Hell, I get paid, in part, to think - what could be better? But I do not like to dwell in the negative. I've been in the negative more than I like lately, and it becomes a habit after a while. Not a good one. It's far too heavy and requires too much energy. I miss feeling lighthearted and "light" in general. Maybe that's the price of being an adult? I'm not sure I buy that - I don't think getting older means being "heavier" in the metaphysical sense. More responsibilities can be a pain in the ass, but as long as you can cover them...what's wrong with a little levity? How do you channel that, though? That might bear some thinking...

Ahhhh, blogging before 6:30. You never know what you're gonna get...

Squirrel Day!

Today is Alyssa - aka Squirrel's - birthday. She turns 6 and is all sorts of pumped for the day. We had her party a few weeks ago, but today is The Day. My mom's house is already decorated, and she's getting exactly what she wants for dinner - Little Ceasars pizza, breadsticks, and artichokes. Yes. Artichokes. Her current favorite food - go figure.

She is very much still the baby in a lot of ways, but she's very much a little girl in many others. She is completely different from her brother and reminds me of myself a lot, which may or may not be a good thing. I think she may be my reader one of these days if she finds a few books she likes, and I have no doubt she's going to be one challenging teenager. But for now I'll soak up the little girl for a little longer. She won't be around that much longer. Where the hell does time go?

Routines

I've been trying to get up earlier this past month or so. Not crazy early - like 5am or what have you - but early enough to get the kiddos' lunches done and then have time to have coffee on the deck before the craziness of the day hits.

Yes, this means I'm going to bed well before 11 some nights. In the immortal
words of Paul Simon, 'getting old...'

But it does make the mornings go more smoothly, and the kiddos and I both less stressed as we get out the door. Plus I have a few minutes to reflect on what has happened overnight, and the upcoming day. How I want it to go, what I need to focus on, what I need to make sure I have prepared. And, I even have time to throw something in the oven for the munchkins' breakfast. Pigs in blankets have been a big hit this summer.

Of course, I'm sure part of this routine is the fact that the sun is up so early, which makes it a helluva lot easier to get up. Maybe one of these days I'll go out and exercise when I'm up this early. Maybe. But maybe not. I likes my coffee and quiet mornings, I'm not sure I want to spoil that with a bunch of sweat.

Searching

I've gone to two yoga classes in the last few weeks. The first one was taught by a younger lady who had just gotten certified to teach. Her workout was very intense and left me sore for days - which is a good thing in my world.

The class I took this past Friday was taught by an older lady who was a bit more ummmm spiritual than the younger one. This wasn't a bad thing in the least. You guys know I'm not religious at all, but I feel like the spiritual side could use some attention. I've always sort of felt like exercise was my religion anyway, so maybe a teacher who is a little more on the "earthy" side isn't a bad thing.

She said one thing that really stuck with me and I keep trying to remind myself of it. She suggested that, as we eased into the hourlong session, we remembered to look for what it was we were there for. It's one thing to wish for something - wish things were easier, wish for inner peace, wish to be in better shape, whatever. But it's entirely another to go looking and searching for it.

I guess it just goes along with being mindful of what you are doing at any given time. Go into something with a defined goal and keep working towards it; don't get sidetracked or forget why you are there. You are a lot more likely to find what you are looking for if you actually look.

With that, I'm gonna get off my loopy soapbox and go find some coffee. Maybe I shouldn't blog this early in the morning next time.

Crystal Vista Hiking Trail

We ended up hiking the Crystal Vista trail yesterday. The trailhead was about half an hour's drive from the condo, down some serious backwoods roads and out in the middle of nowhere. The trailhead itself was about two miles down a gravel road. As expected, we saw not another soul the entire three hours we were out there. This is probably a good thing, as my kids are LOUD. Pretty sure I'd never have to worry about bears as long as I have them along...

The hike up ended up being about .7 miles straight up a rocky, gravelly four wheeler road. It was still shady and a little cool when we went up, so the complaining index was minimal - despite the boy having done something to his foot yesterday morning and it giving him real trouble on the way back down. Something about sliding into pillows and carpet while playing baseball in the bedroom, I dunno.

At any rate, the hike up was very pretty. Although the woods never opened up enough to give awesome vistas or anything, the glimpses of the lake and surrounding hills were beautiful. We also found the abandoned crystal quarry and dug around there for a bit. There was a great deal of quartz on the ground, a lot of it very clear. We had the obligatory snackage while up there, hung out for a bit and trekked back down. All in all, about 2.5 miles for the day, and considering the rough terrain, I think we all wore ourselves out.

We finished the afternoon at the pool, then hit a South American restaurant in Hot Springs for dinner. Back to the Future and two bowls of popcorn rounded out the evening nicely - I'm really not wanting to see Monday already approaching. Time to start planning next weekend, right?

One of the best things...

One great advantage of having older kiddos is the ability to decide, at 7:00 on Friday night, that you will leave town that night - and actually leave the house an hour later. With minimal stuff.

We had planned on going over to Ouachita this weekend to hang out at a condo my parents have had for years. J and I had talked about just going over Saturday morning because we had nothing packed, and I wanted to do a 5:30 yoga class - which totally rocked, by the way. I'm thinking every week should end with a 5:30 yoga class, but I digress.

I got back from yoga at 6:30, and j informed me that the kids wanted to go over to the lake tonight and had already packed their stuff. Hmmm...so we talked about it while I ate dinner, then threw a bunch of stuff together, made a quick (VERY SIMPLE) meal plan, and hit the road.

There's a hiking trail nearby that looks cool and short enough for the kiddos to do. Even though it's supposed to be uphill for a mile, it culminates in an old crystal mine, and the kids dig the thought of digging for crystals. That may not happen till tomorrow though - they are currently putting together a Lego set. Together. Without fighting. I'm holding my breathe. Maybe it'll last longer then 76 seconds.

Getting Back at It...

3 miler tonight, first two miles at a sub 10:00 mile, but the last one was about 11:11.  I had to stop and walk up a hill, but that's ok.  It's my first run in over 2 weeks, so it was bound to be a bit difficult.  I expect the next couple of runs to be a little more difficult before they start evening out again. 

Yesterday, J and I went to see Steve Martin and the bluegrass band he's playing with right now.  I read Martin's bio a few years ago, and what I most remember reading was how hard he worked for the things he accomplished.  He may have some talent at what he does, but the sheer grunt work that he put into his career(s) was impressive, so I have nothing but respect for the dude. 

The evening was thoroughly enjoyable, because of course Martin didn't just play music (although he is quite an excellent banjo player).  He talked and joked a bit between each song, set up jokes that he would finish 10 minutes later, and talked about the songs they were playing.  For live music like that, there's nothing better than getting insight on what a musician was thinking about when writing his or her songs.  It just makes the entire experience so much richer and more enjoyable. 

It had also been years since I had been to Robinson auditorium, where Martin and the bluegrass crew played.  I had no memory whatsoever of the lobby area, but the performance hall was familiar.  I remember being so intimidated when I was younger, and it all seems so different now.  At any rate, the venue was fine for the music, and the bluegrass group was absolutely wonderful.  The show stopper, though, was the fiddle player.  I honestly he was going to spontaneously combust a few times, his solos were so intense, fast, and amazingly diverse.

Overall, a great evening out, and well worth what the price of the tickets.  And what do you know, I turn around and tomorrow's friday.  Damn the weeks go fast sometimes - even in the summertime.

Motivation

Trying to find a bit of it. My workouts have dwindled to practically nothing in the last two months, and it's about time to find some motivation. I have a friend in Chicago who is running a half marathon at the end of August...that would give me ten weeks to get ready. Barely enough time, but possible. I'm also planning to go down to Mobile with a tennis team at the end of July, even though we will likely get slaughtered. Oh well, if one of those two things gets me motivated to do a little more running and working out, it'll be a good thing.

Besides, chicago is an awesome town. What's wrong with setting a goal to run a half marathon in a few months? Worst case scenario, I don't make it to the race but do the training. It's a win/win scenario as far as I can see... And if I actually make it to Chicago for the race? Yeah baby, Chicago is an awesome place to spend a weekend. Definitely win/win. Training starts Thursday.

Baby Steps

Last night I managed to get myself appointed to my kiddos' school board.  Now, I'd already lost a general election through the school itself (I'm neither the PTO president, nor did I stand outside the school for two weeks campaigning every single morning during drop off, so I didn't get one of those two spots), but the city itself has appointments to the board, and I threw my hat in the ring for one of those.

Hard to lose when you are the only one applying...but I'll take it.

It's been a long time since I've been involve in a local community, but I think it is probably the right thing for me.  Education is an interest of mine, and for the next few years I'll get an "up close and personal" look at it.  The education system in Central Arkansas is probably one of the more interesting systems in the US, so it should be a fun couple of years.

Hiking: Woolly Hollow State Park

I've had an itch for some hiking for a couple of weeks, so this morning we packed up the kiddos early and hit Woolly Hollow state park (east of Greenbrier) for a 3 mile hike.

I packed lots of water, apples, and cookies in the hopes that the kids would actually have fun instead of thinking it was too much work. It almost worked...

The first sign that things were not 100% in kid land was Alyssa's comment that her legs were tired. While the trailhead was still in sight. Ugh.

But once we got going, it turned out mostly ok. It was an easy walk, not a lot of up and down, and the path was well maintained although mostly single file. The shoulder that would have been used to haul the girl up and down small hills was kinda grateful for the inability to walk beside her. But overall, she was a trooper until we got into the third mile and it got hot. Can't say I blame her, but it's a bit hard to go zen with nature when the little one next to you is chanting "owwwww" with every step. I tried changing it to "ommmmmm" but she just hit me. Suppose I deserved it.

I totally enjoyed the walk, though. There was still a cool breeze, even at 10 this morning, and the kiddos still walk slowly enough to let me lag at the back and enjoy looking around and taking in the views.

I'd like to do some more of these day hikes, there are a ton of beautiful areas nearby, but the challenge will be getting the kids - errrr, girl - on board. Maybe more chocolate chip cookies next time...

Decking It

One of my favorite things about being back in Arkansas and out of Houston is the fact that I can sit on my deck at 9am on Saturday morning in the middle of June, and it's actually kind of cool. The ceiling fan is going, the arbor is covered in wisteria, and the humidity is still low. It reminds me of lazy mornings of summer when I was a kid (the few rare times I woke up early enough for it to still be morning). Being able to just sit and enjoy the morning, listening to the neighborhood coming awake, and feeling the promise of an entire weekend day spreading out in front of me - totally awesome. Now granted, we have Alyssa's birthday party early this afternoon, and things that need doing before then. But damn it's nice to just sit and be still for an hour or so before the day starts.

Summer Days

Not too much eventful going on in this part of the world.  Kiddos are doing swim team (mainly so they can learn the actual strokes involved in swimming), A's birthday party is this weekend, and we're thinking about taking the kiddos on a hike Sunday morning.  I'd like to get them engaged in more outdoor activities - they need to figure out they can walk more than 200 feet without getting tired.  Kids these days!

They've been in VBS all week with a friend, and considering the number of times we've taken them to church (ahem, 0), I anticipate some interesting questions at the end of the week.  I'm not a fan of organized religion, but it's probably something they need to be exposed to, considering that we live in the South and religion is a main social outlet.  At that age, kiddos are so focused on "rules" and the world seems to black and white.  Religion itself is such a gray topic, and the idea that it is a "choice" is foreign - if not offensive - to some people.  So I'm not sure how to approach the topic with them, other than "this is what some people believe, and other people do not believe this."  I'm hoping I can keep their minds open for awhile so they can make a conscious decision about it one of these days, and learn to think these things through for themselves.

Anyway, just Friday morning ramblings.  At least it's Friday! 

A Bit of Reading

I've done a ton of reading lately.  A flight to and from Vegas gives you around 5-6 hours of reading time, not to mention a little time out there to read.  And without homework and softball and other assorted kiddo activities, I feel like I have a little more time in the evenings, which is strange but nice.  I'm beginning to wonder if we shouldn't just ditch Uverse for good, considering how much TV we don't watch.  In fact, I'm not sure we've turned on the Uverse in about a month or so.  We haven't been watching any baseball this year, and there aren't any other programs we watch on a regular basis...maybe it's something to think about.

At any rate, I finished an interesting biography a few days ago, Wild, by Cheryl Strayed.  This was a lady in her 20s who, after a couple of pretty intense tragedies and situations in her life, decided to hike the Pacific Coast Trail.  It is described as the Appalachian Trail's big brother, and holy cow it sounds like it.  Three months plus of desert heat, mountain snow, and assorted other ailments and wilderness...it takes a lot of guts to do something like that.  Or a lot of desperation, which is where she was.  I'm a sucker for books like that, though - taking a challenging sojourn like that to wrestle with your inner demons - it always amazes me what people can go through and how different they come out on the other side.  I like to see what portions I can relate to, and what sections are beyond my frame of reference, at least at this point in time.

I have a friend/acquaintance who is hiking the Appalachian Trail right now on her own.  She's been blogging about it regularly and posting amazing pictures.  Something like that sounds like an amazing trip - I can only imagine how different you can come out on the other side of something like that - but I don't see something like that in the cards for me.  Guess I'll have to take my little, normal journey and work with that.  For now, anyway.

Personalities

I spent Monday and Tuesday in Vegas, Wednesday in the office, and Thursday and Friday in hot springs at the annual convention for attorneys in Arkansas. There are always happy hours and chances to network at this thing, so I asked a friend of mine to walk me around and introduce me to folks she knows. Being a newish person in town, I needed to do that.

After nearly two hours of random conversation and shaking hands, I was ready to bolt. As we caught our breath outside, I mentioned how exhausting it was, and her response was, literally, "are you kidding? This is energizing!"

May I present textbook definitions of introverts and extroverts. It's not whether you can interact with lots of people, but rather whether you get energy from the experience or whether you need to retreat after to gather your forces again.

After several days in Vegas, being around people constantly, and then two more days in hot springs around new people constantly, I need a quiet place to hole up in for a few days (a month would be nice!)to gather my forces. Ah well, guessing that isn't gonna happen, so I'll just take my back porch in the shade for an hour or two this morning.

Tomorrow Is Another Day

Not my most stellar day as a parent, but at least I have another day coming where I can try to get it right. If you find what little patience I had that has now disappeared, can you please send it my way? Thanks.

Shaky Ground

I tried out a yoga class this morning.  I've done one previous class - when I was pregnant with Benjamin - so the experience was a little different this time around. 

I like the mindfulness of it, which I expected, but I did NOT expect to shake as much as I did.  Holy crap, I'm not sure how you could do that a few times a week and not have completely ripped arms.  Or maybe my arms are just weak right now, that's a distinct possibility considering the amount of tennis I haven't been playing lately... 

At any rate, I have to figure out how to work a few more days a week of exercise into my life.  I've slacked a lot lately, and am starting to see the results of the sitting around.  Ah well, a slow cycle is ok here and there, and summer time is as good as any, right?  The running will probably be on pause for most of the summer - at least for long runs - because I just don't feel like dealing with the heat this year.  Three or four miles is fine; 10+ will not be happening until September or October I'm guessing. 

Home again home again

Back from Vegas, back from the overwhelming heat, decadence, and crash course in oxymoronic cities. I've been plenty of times before, but this time wasn't quite the same. The constant barrage on the senses - noise, music, food, people, money - this time around it was too much.

I asked j to check our flight while we were sitting at a cabana on Monday afternoon (he's the travel agent of the family) and he said the flight was at 8am on tuesday morning. Note to future self: always check flights yourself when sun, cabanas, bikinis and copious amounts of alcohol are present.

The 8am flight meant getting up around 6 the next morning, which we somehow managed. The ride to the airport was smooth, security was a breeze, and we sat down at the gate about an hour before our flight was due to take off. As we're sitting there, with 45 minutes to go, they start to line folks up for another flight at our gate. This is a bit unusual in my flying experience, and in j's, so he got up to check the monitor to make sure they hadn't changed gates on us.

When he came back, he had a funny look in his face. So I asked him if we had to haul ass to another gate, and he said no, definitely don't hurry.

Okayyyy, so is our flight delayed?

Nope.

Turns out, his calendar was reading in the wrong time zone for our flight. Instead of being at 8am, it wasn't until 10. Could've been worse, though, right? We could've been two hours late...

I had to laugh - I was done with Vegas anyway, and there are far worse things than hanging around an airport for an extra hour or two, reading and generally relaxing, right?

7 Come 11

Vegas, baby, at least for a few days. So far I have yet to win anything, but thats all good. I don't really expect to, so...

I've discovered that it is virtually impossible to sit at a video poker bar by myself - inevitably some dude will engage me in conversation. Can't these people see I'm focused on my game and drink? Sheesh!

Last night we saw Absinthe, which tried a little too hard at points but gets props for sheer jaw dropping stunts. Seriously - I think I had to pick up my jaw about three times last night. And the physiques of these performers just makes you want to hit the gym. Amazing.

Not sure what is on the agenda today, maybe a poker tourney and then we have reservations for Mario batalias (sp) restaurant tonight with the friends we are here with. One thing is for damn sure - we are eating well!