Routines, Rituals and Lightening

J is out of town at a conference of some variety this week, so I've got the kids mostly to myself (with a little help from my mom, thanks goodness!). I find it amusing how much my normal rituals change when I'm home by myself. On a normal night, I'm often in bed by 10, and usually asleep by around 11; however, when J is gone, I tend to stay up a lot later, and I'm not sure why.  Sometimes I wonder if it is just the lack of normal clues that tell me it's time to go to bed. It also feels easier to get stuff done, and again, I'm not really sure why that is. It's not like one more person makes a ton of extra work, unless that person is a newborn - then all bets are off.

But for example, it feels easier to get the dinner mess cleaned up when I am on my own. I'm much more likely to stay up goofing around on the internet or watching tv or reading or whatever. In fact, some nights I can't fall asleep, even though I'm up waayy too late. It also feels a little easier to get the kiddos to do what I need them to do. After the fiasco that was Monday night, when both kids and the cat ended up in bed with me, covers over heads to block out the thunder and lightning, I knew they needed a little extra sleep. So last night, the kiddos were upstairs and in bed nearly an hour early, lights out, with no yelling, fighting or screaming (not necessarily true for the cat). I'm sure it won't seem as easy once they are able to tell time, but I'm taking advantage of that ignorance as long as possible! But it just seems easier sometimes, and I'm not really sure why.

I wonder if it has something to do with only having to take your own schedule and priorities into consideration. If you are the only one around, you get to dictate the schedule, what happens next, what is important, and what you can let slide. If someone else is around, you also have to work around their to-do list and priorities, whatever those may be. Throw in different parenting styles and the logistics / coordination that are required from two working parents with school kids, and everything feels more complex. Plus, if I'm the only one around, I can't get irritable if my task list isn't being carried out; the only one I can blame for the stuff that doesn't get done is myself! If there are two of us around, and I'm the only one working on whatever needs to get done at any given time, I tend to get a little out of sorts (read: pissed off). Sometimes it's  justified, but often, I'm just trying to be a little too much of a control freak. So instead of doing what needs to get done, I lose the motivation and go to bed. I think I was an ostrich in a former life.

One other interesting aspect I've noticed - when J is out of town or working on the weekend or whatever, I don't feel quite as compelled to get everything on my list done as fast as possible. It's almost like I take the pressure off myself, which is crazy because the only one putting pressure on me is myself (well, deadlines are also a factor I guess). But for whatever reason, it is just easier for me to sit down and watch television with the kiddos or read a book or just play with them when I'm the only one around. It's as though I know that I'll still have energy after they are in bed, and I can probably take care of the most vital things on my list later. 

Who knows. There probably is no answer.